Groom's Speech Do's and Don'ts: How to Write a Speech You'll Enjoy Giving

I’ve stood at the back of hundreds of wedding breakfasts, camera in hand, listening to grooms’ speeches. The best ones aren’t the funniest or the longest. They’re the ones that sound like the person giving them.

The good news is that the groom’s speech is probably the easiest of the speeches. It doesn’t need to be very long, and it doesn’t need to be funny – that’s the best man’s job. Its main purpose is to say thank you, and to say something heartfelt about the person you’ve just married.

Where the Groom’s Speech Fits

At a traditional UK wedding, the speeches usually run in this order:

1. Father of the bride (or whoever is hosting)
2. The groom
3. The best man

Many couples now change this up, with both partners speaking, or a maid of honour joining in. Do whatever feels right for you, and let your photographer and venue know the order so nobody misses a moment.

A Simple Structure

1. Thank the previous speaker and respond to anything they said
2. Thank your guests for coming, especially anyone who’s travelled a long way
3. Thank both families, including your new in-laws, and anyone who helped make the day happen
4. Remember anyone who can’t be there, briefly and warmly, if it feels right
5. Talk about your new husband or wife: how you met, what you love about them, a story only you could tell
6. Thank the wedding party, then introduce the best man
7. Finish with a toast

Do’s

• Thank the guests for coming, particularly those who’ve travelled from afar.
• Mention any special guests, such as grandparents or elderly relatives.
• Thank your in-laws, particularly if they’ve helped host the wedding.
• Thank your own parents for all those years of help and support.
• Talk about your partner in a way that balances warmth with a little humour.
• Thank the bridesmaids and groomsmen.
• Practise out loud a few times, ideally in front of someone you trust.
• Write it on cards, not your phone. Cards look better in photos and won’t light up mid-sentence.
• Finish with a toast to your partner.

Don’ts

• Spend more time building up the best man than your partner.
• Spend too long thanking suppliers who’ve been paid to do a job. A single group thank-you is plenty.
• List so many thank-yous that the speech sounds like a school register.
• Talk for too long. Five to ten minutes is about right.
• Rely on in-jokes that only three people in the room will understand.
• Drink too much before you stand up. One for courage is plenty.
• Forget that this is a celebration of love, not a ten-minute stand-up routine.

A Note From Behind the Camera

Some of my favourite photos from any wedding are taken during the speeches – not of the person speaking, but of the faces listening. A mum wiping away a tear. A grandad laughing so hard he has to hold the table. Your partner looking at you while you talk about them.

Speak slowly, look up from your cards now and then, and pause after the big moments. It gives everyone time to react, and it gives me time to capture it.